A Message From Vice President Sandi Peterson
As a new year dawns, we get a little introspective. We think, “What can I do to make my life, my family, my finances, my fun, better in the coming year?” “How can I be a better me, to bring value to myself and those I love and care about?”
2020 upended our world. Financially people are hurting, emotionally there are a lot of stored-up feelings. So maybe hearing each other is the place to start. If we can just take the time to listen to each other, to try and understand what the person is going thru, if we can just say, “I understand your pain” (without taking it on or even knowing why that person is so worked up), or “I’m sorry for your circumstance”, or “I wish I could make it better for you”. Those are the kinds of civil words we all need to hear right now, but without really listening we won’t know what to say when the other person is done talking.
I’ll admit that sometimes, when people are talking about a particular political point, or religious belief or world view or even an author or movie I am not especially interested in, I catch myself mummering, “Uh-huh” without really tuning in. I bet you have too! I really hadn’t thought about how harmful and demeaning that dismissive, hurry up, I-don’t-really-care-what-you-are-saying attitude could feel to someone else. It certainly is not adding value to our discussion or our friendship. And believe it or not it is uncivil.
During Civility First’s October panel discussion our panelist and board member Ken Harvey said (and I am loosely quoting him here), “being dismissive of another person’s ideas or thoughts, or even their being, is one of the most uncivil behavior we can demonstrate.” I have not stopped thinking about that and have done my best to stay curious and to be honest-to-goodness engaged in what others are really saying. For me, being better at sincere active listening, without needing to reply, but just to learn or even just hear, is going to be one of my value-adds for 2021.
If 2020 taught us anything, it is that we are not going to change each other’s minds, but we can make 2021 at least a little better if we take the time to offer the valuable gifts of listening, caring, and being kind.
Cheers!
2020 upended our world. Financially people are hurting, emotionally there are a lot of stored-up feelings. So maybe hearing each other is the place to start. If we can just take the time to listen to each other, to try and understand what the person is going thru, if we can just say, “I understand your pain” (without taking it on or even knowing why that person is so worked up), or “I’m sorry for your circumstance”, or “I wish I could make it better for you”. Those are the kinds of civil words we all need to hear right now, but without really listening we won’t know what to say when the other person is done talking.
I’ll admit that sometimes, when people are talking about a particular political point, or religious belief or world view or even an author or movie I am not especially interested in, I catch myself mummering, “Uh-huh” without really tuning in. I bet you have too! I really hadn’t thought about how harmful and demeaning that dismissive, hurry up, I-don’t-really-care-what-you-are-saying attitude could feel to someone else. It certainly is not adding value to our discussion or our friendship. And believe it or not it is uncivil.
During Civility First’s October panel discussion our panelist and board member Ken Harvey said (and I am loosely quoting him here), “being dismissive of another person’s ideas or thoughts, or even their being, is one of the most uncivil behavior we can demonstrate.” I have not stopped thinking about that and have done my best to stay curious and to be honest-to-goodness engaged in what others are really saying. For me, being better at sincere active listening, without needing to reply, but just to learn or even just hear, is going to be one of my value-adds for 2021.
If 2020 taught us anything, it is that we are not going to change each other’s minds, but we can make 2021 at least a little better if we take the time to offer the valuable gifts of listening, caring, and being kind.
Cheers!
Some thoughts from board member Edie Surface
What a rollercoaster ride this past year has been!
2020 started out great. We had so many plans for the year, and my real estate business was going well – I’m never happier than when I help someone find just the right home on this beautiful island!
Then the pandemic hit. Added to that we had the tragic murder of George Floyd that sparked the BLM protests that then lead to riots and political unrest. It seemed like everything was being politicized and causing tremendous anger, violence and upheaval. It consumed our lives, affecting friendships, families and relationships. In the midst of this chaos came, for me, the best thing ever. The birth of my new Granddaughter! Which brought me to this question: What kind of a world are we leaving for our children and grandchildren? What kind of an example are we setting for them on how to deal with all the conflict that they will face? This is why civility is so important to me.
If there is one thing I have learned this year it is that when people stop being respectful, stop listening to one another, become intolerant of different opinions and philosophies, everything falls apart. When our public figures refuse to work together the country suffers. When people use violence instead of respectful communication, no one wins. Civility is not about changing each other, or about always agreeing with one another. It is about listening, understanding. It is about respect and tolerance for one another. I believe in a very simple rule: Treat others as you want to be treated. If you want to be heard, you need to listen. If you want to be understood, you need to understand. If you want to be respected, you need to show respect. It is up to us as individuals to be the example. We cannot wait for someone else to start. That may never happen. We need to be the one stepping up with civility. Chances are, that other person is waiting for us. Let’s not disappoint.
2020 started out great. We had so many plans for the year, and my real estate business was going well – I’m never happier than when I help someone find just the right home on this beautiful island!
Then the pandemic hit. Added to that we had the tragic murder of George Floyd that sparked the BLM protests that then lead to riots and political unrest. It seemed like everything was being politicized and causing tremendous anger, violence and upheaval. It consumed our lives, affecting friendships, families and relationships. In the midst of this chaos came, for me, the best thing ever. The birth of my new Granddaughter! Which brought me to this question: What kind of a world are we leaving for our children and grandchildren? What kind of an example are we setting for them on how to deal with all the conflict that they will face? This is why civility is so important to me.
If there is one thing I have learned this year it is that when people stop being respectful, stop listening to one another, become intolerant of different opinions and philosophies, everything falls apart. When our public figures refuse to work together the country suffers. When people use violence instead of respectful communication, no one wins. Civility is not about changing each other, or about always agreeing with one another. It is about listening, understanding. It is about respect and tolerance for one another. I believe in a very simple rule: Treat others as you want to be treated. If you want to be heard, you need to listen. If you want to be understood, you need to understand. If you want to be respected, you need to show respect. It is up to us as individuals to be the example. We cannot wait for someone else to start. That may never happen. We need to be the one stepping up with civility. Chances are, that other person is waiting for us. Let’s not disappoint.